Supporting whānau and friends in mental distress
Posted On: December 8, 2024
You don't have to solve all their problems. Breathe
Listen without judgement to help the person hurting feel safe and acknowledged. What they’re saying may be difficult to understand, but by nodding, listening and gently assuring them, you are letting them know they are safe.
Be brave and ask them if they are thinking of taking their life. Tell them they are not alone and that you’ll help them find support. Thank them for having the courage to tell you how they’re feeling.
Let people you trust into the circle. Breathe.
Kōrero like this can be overwhelming, so reach out to someone you know and feel safe with. The more aroha and compassion around the person, the more everyone feels supported, including you.
Change the environment if needed. Keep breathing.
Do what you can to calm the environment you’re in. If it’s unsafe, move somewhere safer. Taking a walk at the park, beach or in the bush, can help ground you both. If you’re inside, ask them if you can light a candle, incense or play some music. Don’t forget, humour can help too.
Ask them what they need. Breathe.
A hug, a cry, a sleep, a visit – what will make them feel better right in this moment? Just sitting, even if they aren’t talking, shows you care. What won’t help are alcohol and drugs; they’ll make a problem 100 times worse, so keep away from them.
Share food and water together. Breathe.
The simplicity of sharing kai is a grounding tool and helps the person feel nurtured. It can help the kōrero flow more easily too.
Create a safety plan together. And breathe.
Ask them to nominate three people they trust who they can text or call any time, day or night. If you are one of the three, let the other two kaitiaki or guardians know what is happening so together you work out what is needed. This will also help lighten the load on you.
If the person is in danger, call for help. Keep breathing.
What is a life worth?It is worth saving. If the situation escalates call the mental health crisis team or the police. Calmly explain that the person in distress isn’t crazy, they are hurting. Go with them to the hospital, police station or other facility. If they get upset with you, at least they are still alive. Breathe. You gave your time, energy and aroha to make someone feel safe and worthy when they were feeling worthless and alone. Arohanui. Now, rest up and refuel.
